Posted on Wednesday, December 16, 2015

How to Thrive In A Tough Season

I know that title is pretty broad — I can’t do anything about some of the frustrations in your life. I can’t do anything about that guy whose trash blows in your yard. Or the guy on the interstate who cuts you off with no blinker. And you really can’t do much about it, either. Just get over yourself and get over them. 🙂

But there are some larger, enduring frustrations that I’ve experienced that I bet you have too. And THOSE, I can teach you something about. It’s the frustration that comes with seasons in your life.

I know you’re familiar with the concept of seasons of the year, but you might not have thought of life in terms of seasons.

3 things you need to remember to keep from being frustrated about seasons:

1. Seasons come in a micro- and a macro- version.

Here are some examples of micro-seasons:

Recovery from a medical procedure.
Bouncing back from a very busy project
Adjusting to a new neighborhood after moving

Examples of macro-seasons:

Raising young children
Old age
Teenage years

For micro-seasons, you just need to wait them out, and take some short term actions — medication, rest, etc.

For macro-seasons, you’ll need to adjust your attitude, check your values, and engage in personal growth.

2. Seasons are not something you can control.

You can’t just decide you’re not going to participate in this season any more. You can’t stop most seasons of life any more than you can stop spring or winter from coming.

So the solution to the frustration can’t be found in how to change the season… it’s got to be found in how I respond to it.

3. You can’t control seasons, but you can choose your attitude.

The old saying “It’s not what happens to you, it’s what happens IN you,” applies here. Author and holocaust survivor Victor Frankl said,
“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom….When we are no longer able to change a situation – we are challenged to change ourselves.”

So here are some ways that I have dealt with seasons, while trying to keep my attitude positive:

1. Watch your words.

Early in my ministry, when we were frustrated about a season we were facing, Liz and I would often say to each other, dramatially, “Well, in the grand scale of 30 years of ministry…” It was usually good for a chuckle, but it did more. It became a tagline that allowed us to “zoom out” and see the season from the larger perspective.

Be careful of your words. They don’t just reveal your perspective — they help create it! And your perspective helps create your reality… Create wisely.

2. Find the funny.

Kids have been probably the defining season of this part our life. I have a saying my wife and I have laughed over for the last few years: “Someday, I’m going to change the world, but right now I have to change this kid’s diaper.” It helps me laugh, and remember the delicious irony of a young kid that thought he was going to change the world through his career in ministry — then had 6 kids, and discovered that he needed to change himself first.

3. Grow.

Sam Chand says, “A leader can only grow up to the level of his tolerance for pain.” Seasons can be full of pain.

But they are also prime places for “the growth that happens before the growth.” You know what I mean by that, right? It’s what Steven Covey calls the “private victory” that always precedes “public victory.”

I know what it’s like to be dealing with a season while wishing to be out “kicking behind and taking names.” But while you’re waiting, don’t waste the time. This is captured beautifully in John Waller’s song “While I’m Waiting” from the movie Fireproof. Check it out if you need some encouragement:

These are some behind the scenes areas where you can grow during tough seasons:

Attitudes
Personal Discipline
Family habits
Reading
Personal devotional time
Working on a new skill
Improving an old skill
Investing in a relationship
Seeking out coaching
Developing teamwork in your church/family
Creating better systems
Creating morning and evening routines

Choose your attitude. Watch your words. Create your plan. You’re going to get through this.

Who do you know that’s in a tough season right now? Share this with them!

Posted on Monday, November 30, 2015

Why Your Pastor is Tempted to Quit

And how you can help...

“Pastor.” The word may have lost some of its respect over the years, with high-profile scandals, Hollywood hit jobs, and TV cariacatures. But the title still conjures up good things in many American minds. A 2011 study by Rasmussen says 70% of Americans view pastors favorably.

But pastors, honestly, through all of their healing, restoring & guiding work, can live with a lot secret pain.

According to a survey by the New York Times in 2010,

about 1,500 pastors per month leave the ministry due to burnout, conflict or moral failure.
45% of pastors say they’ve experienced enough burnout or depression to feel the need to take significant time away from ministry
57% of pastors report that they would leave ministry if they thought there was somewhere else to go
75% report severe stress causing anguish, worry, bewilderment, anger, depression, fear, and alienation.
80% of pastors say they have insufficient time with their spouse.
33% say that being in ministry is a hazard to their families.

“Not my pastor.”

No, I hope not. But some pastor friends of mine have reached these points.

I recently surveyed pastor across several denominations and asked them what was most frustrating in their ministry. I gave them multiple options to choose from, as well as the ability to write their own answers. Here’s what they told me about their greatest challenges:

Posted on Wednesday, November 18, 2015

The Pain Points of Pastors – Survey

Help me help you!

In the next few days, I’ll be posting a couple posts on the toughest things about being a pastor. I’m doing a survey of all my readers who are pastors, to see what you say are the toughest things about your job.

If you’ve already taken the survey, thank you!

I’m working through the results now — and look forward to sharing them! In the survey I asked a question… Maybe you can relate to some of these answers:

Can you relate to the pain of any of those answers?? I certainly can!

What are YOUR greatest pain points?

If you haven’t taken the 8-question survey yet, please CLICK HERE. I’d love to have YOUR INPUT!

What I’m doing with the results: Creating Resources

One of the top 5 “pain points” was “not being able to follow up on guests.” I can relate — for years, I felt the frustration of this one!

But about 3 years ago, I got frustrated enough to start designing a system that didn’t allow people to fall through the cracks.

It took months of designing and tweaking
Over 100 hours of labor to get it all together
Now, it’s humming along nicely
I have equipped volunteers to help
We have had 12 guests in the past 4 weeks
No one fell through the cracks.

I’m going to teach you how to build the system (and save you TONS of time in the process) on my webinar Friday and Saturday. There are 3 time slots for you convenience… I plan to give away as many of my secrets as possible. 🙂

Posted on Monday, June 15, 2015

How to Build a Morning Routine in 7 Steps

Mornings are crucial. And they are fragile. They can serve your greatest values, or they can feed your greatest weaknesses. You can live your life getting up at the last possible second, racing around the house, speeding to work … or you can be intentional about mornings.

I think the single greatest, most impactful change I’ve made in the past 5 years in my life has been developing a routine for my mornings. Here are the steps you need to build one for yourself.

Step 1: Identify how much sleep you need.

To have a good morning routine, you must start the night before. A morning routines is not built on some sort of Spartan ability to sleep less and less. It’s built on recognizing sleep as important, so you don’t stay up forever watching pointless late night TV or browsing the internet.

Your body needs sleep. (I can’t get by on less than 7 hours for many days in a row.) Your problem with mornings might not be self-discpline to get up when your alarm goes off — it might be to go to bed at a decent time!

3,000 years ago, Solomon wrote “do not love sleep or you will grow poor” (Prov. 20:13). But in his day, people went to sleep soon after the sun went down, instead of staying up with electric lights and TV. (Check out this chart of average sleep for Americans just since 1942.)

Step 2: Figure out which values you want to put up front.

Mark Twain quipped, “I can teach anyone to get what they want out of life; the problem is, I cannot find anyone who can tell me what they want.” Do you know? Do you have a time slot for things you value? Is that time slot early in the day?

Here are the values that I base my morning routine on:

spiritual enrichment
blessing my wife
health and fitness
a thankful, positive attitude
leadership development
family values &
speaking into the lives of my kids
intentionality, mindfulness and productivity

Step 3: Draft a list of 5-minute-or-less ways to live those values.

Here’s why 5 minute ideas: Your mornings are not everlasting. You don’t have hours before going to work. So jot down ideas of how you might live out your values in a quick way. For help in this area, try SJ Scott’s Kindle book, Habit Stacking.

Step 4: Identify how much time you have.

When do you have to leave for work? What’s your get-up time? What’s your go-to-bed time? Which ones need to be adjusted?

Aim at a solid hour of routine. If you can become efficient in that hour, you can put in a lot of things that will make a difference in the person you will be in 10 years.

Step 5: Pick the best ideas, and write out your routine.

My morning routine in Evernote

Keep it somewhere that you can see, somewhere accessible through the morning. After a while you won’t need to look. But at first, you’ll need to see what’s next between every step.

For a long time, I kept mine in Evernote. To avoid using all my phone battery looking at it, I emailed a copy to my Kindle. You might want to print it out & post it on the fridge or coffeemaker.

Step 6: Set alarms & use a timer.

I use Morning Routine Alarm Clock for Android, which automates most of my timing through the morning. But maybe all you want or need is an alarm clock. But to make sure you’re moving foward, and not dragging, a timer is a great thing.

Step 7: Practice and tweak your routine.

Credit: Lightstock.com

I can assure you — It won’t work 100% right the first time. Some mistake will come to light. You’ll have too much time for one activity, and not enough for another.

That’s OK! Tweak it and do it again tomorrow!

You will miss a day — no problem. Do it again tomorrow!

A few hints:

Hint #1: Don’t forget commute time as part of your routine. Can you listen to an audiobook? Encourage someone? Write a thank you note at a red light? Pray and memorize a verse of Scripture? Encourage yourself with some great music?

Hint #2: Find a way to fill “mindless time.” There are some activities that don’t require a lot of mental energy and decision making. You don’t have to think deeply to brush your teeth. I hope. 🙂 So, can you fill that time with a growth habit that matches your values? Personally, I listen to the NIV Dramatized Audio Bible for about 30 minutes each morning, while dressing, eating, starting laundry…

In the next post, I will share my own personal routine to give you some examples and share some things that have helped and inspired me along the way.

Who do you know that needs to read this? 🙂 Share it with them!

Posted on Friday, May 15, 2015

3 Systems That Are Working for Me Right Now (& the Tools I’m Using)

In this series on Systems in your work and life, I’ve talked about why you need systems, and then a simple plan for how to develop systems, and why you need to work with tools. So, here are 3 of the systems that are working in my life right now, and the tools that are helping:

System that’s working #1: To-Do List

Favorite tool: Todoist
Favorite tagline: “If it’s not on the list, it doesn’t exist.”

If you are not using a to-do list, I can almost guarantee you’re dropping things and stressing out more than you should. I did it for years. I had the stress of keeping everything in my short-term memory, & the humiliation of dropping things on a regular basis. Don’t do this to yourself! Use a to-do list. I tried paper for a while, but I’m absent-minded and tend to lay my list down and then spend time looking for it. Not a good use of time. 🙂 Now it lives on my phone, which I never lose because it’s always in my hip holster. I’ve tried numerous to-do apps. Nozbe was excellent, but too expensive. Wunderlist was really nice and simple – and has a good free version. Goals To Do was powerful and had a neat “refocus tool” but had no web platform, which I really needed. Google Tasks was simple, free, and had fantastic calendar/Gmail integration, but Google stopped development on it. Todoist is reasonably priced, very powerful, and easy to use. Their Gmail integration is good, and their tools and filters are highly customizable. Their “Karma” system allows productivity tracking over time. Bottom line: Whatever you do, don’t keep it all in your head. Use a list!

Whether you’re a paper person or an app person, I recommend that you read David Allen’s Getting Things Done. That’s the book that really took my to-do system to a new level.

System that’s working #2: Morning Routine

Favorite Tools: Evernote & Morning Routine Alarm Clock for Android

Evernote is where I create most of my systems. I use the checklist feature to create a system that I can check off, then uncheck when it’s done. I keep the list on my phone, and until I have it ingrained into habit, it keeps me on track. I tag them “commonly used” and put them on my home screen with Evernote Widget (or shortcuts on the desktop version), so the ones I use regularly are a click away, even if I haven’t edited them for a while. I was introduced to this morning routine idea by S.J. Scott’s neat little book Habit Stacking: 97 Life Changes that Take 5 Minutes or Less ($2.99 on Kindle) I created an ideal morning (for me) checklist, and started working on living by that.

My morning routine in Evernote

It was really helpful, one of the single most life-changing things that I had done in several years. Suddenly, I was accomplishing several things that I really KNEW would bring long-term benefits, but had no systematic time slot for in my life. But I wanted a tool to take this to the next level, something to help me AUTOMATE the values I had planned in my morning routine. What I discovered (I can’t remember where) is Morning Routine Alarm Clock for Android. You can choose what kind of alarm you want – button, scan or an automated sequence of barcodes, at a predetermined schedule. This last is the option I have chosen.

Morning Routine Alarm Clock for Android

I am going to spend more time on this routine in a future post. The short version is, I have a series of barcodes (QR codes) that I scan when the alarm starts going off. I put them in the part of the house where the next activity of my routine takes place — bathroom, laundry, family room. This keeps me moving forward quickly, and makes it less likely that I will stall on any portion of the routine. Unfortunately, Apple has too tight a control on their system to allow an alarm clock to do everything that my alarm will do… such as automatically open apps, etc. But here’s a barcode alarm clock to comfort you poor iPhone users. 🙂

Now here’s the thing: I haven’t just NAILED this system. In a pastor’s life, things get crazy, and late nights or other interruptions happen. I have sometimes gone for almost a month without doing it perfectly.

But I have done tons of laundry before my family gets up, written my wife dozens of love notes on sticky notes on her bathroom mirror, developed a pretty unshakable vitamin/supplement habit, have drunk dozens of glasses of water in the morning, worked out 4 of the last 6 mornings, and am writing this blog post because my morning routine alarm told me to write for 15 minutes.

My point? Don’t let a lack of perfection on a system keep you from making one. Aim high, and even if you don’t reach the stars, you won’t land in the mud.

System That’s Working #3 – Tracking my Habits

Favorite Tools: HabitBull

HabitBull Habit Tracker App Screenshot

For a long time, I had no way of really knowing how well I was doing with new habits that I was forming. How often was I really getting up on time? Was I really cutting carbs? How often was I meeting my prayer goal? Was I doing my morning routine?

Enter HabitBull. Now, when my 9:45 PM alarm goes off (my evening routine alarm), I scan the barcode in my bathroom, & it automatically opens HabitBull. Then, I take a moment to check off what I accomplished that day. Over time, you can see:

whether you’re really getting it done
where your trouble spots are
what your longest streak is
the monthly view of each habit individually
the weekly overview of all habits (shown here)

One of the greatest things this does for me is what I call “mindfulness.” In the rush of a busy life, nothing is more easily forgotten than one’s values. Habit tracking continues to keep my values like spiritual depth, family, and “giving back” in front of me — it keeps me “mindful.”

In the rush of a busy life, nothing is more easily forgotten than one’s values.

A final word: Add 1-2 systems at a time.

Integrating systems into your life is rewarding in the long-term, but challenging in the short term. It’s easy to decide “I have 22 systems I have to get going.” And then your brain fries.

Frankly, you don’t have that much mental focus and willpower. The prefrontal cortex of your brain can’t handle that much, it saps too much energy, which leaves you with no willpower. Instead, make a list of systems you need to add. And unless they are really small, add them one at a time. Small ones might only take 1-2 weeks to install. Big ones might take 3 or 4 months.

In the end, though, you’ll find greater productivity, less stress and a better sense of control over the areas you succeed in “systematizing.” If that’s a word.

Exit Question: What systems are working for you right now? What is one you really need to install? Share your thoughts in the comments below, or on my Facebook.

Posted on Thursday, March 26, 2015

How to Get More Done With Less Willpower

The bank teller yesterday laughed and called me OCD. (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) She said that because I pulled out my phone, looked at my budget and asked for $232 back in cash. And every week I get the same amount, in exactly the same denominations. All the tellers at my bank know.

Increasing your willpower can help avoid pastoral burnout

I’ve been called (good-naturedly) “nerd” and a bunch of other things. But here’s the thing: I’m not OCD. I’m not that organized in a lot of ways. I’m not really nerd…… OK, I am a little nerdy.

But the truth is: most of what I do is not because I’m a super-organized, pocket-protector guy. In fact, I am rather distractable, and disorganized in a lot of ways. My wife & anyone else close to me knows.

How I discovered the power of systems

I moved to OKC, became a pastor and had a kid in the course of a year. I felt like my whole life was spent barely “keeping the cheese on the cracker.” It was like wet toilet paper: always falling apart at the wrong moment. I told my wife it felt like I was juggling china plates. (I like metaphors.)

I think I first discovered the power of systems when I organized my folder system on my laptop so I can always find what I want quickly. That stayed in place even through the chaos. I have re-organized it a couple times, but I still use it 11 years later. It felt like the ONE PART of my life that was actually WORKING. I had started to discover the truth spoken by that great guru of personal productivity, Winnie the Pooh:

“Organization is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it’s not all mixed up.” – Winnie the Pooh

What Systems Are

Here’s what I mean by a system: A way of organizing information or doing work that is a) written down and b) repeatable.

Here’s what I discovered: Systems uphold and advance values. Systems are the things that make visions become reality.

We’ve all been there: We have a great conversation, read a great book, have a deep time of reflection, go to a great conference — and we connect in that moment with our deepest values. Things that resonate inside us. Then we forget. The notes never get turned into action. The conversation is forgotten in the rush of the “urgent.”

For a while I thought it was because the values weren’t real or intense enough. I thought the problem was motivation… As if I really didn’t hold those values deeply enough. You know the cruel self-talk:
“If I REALLY valued my family, I’d…”
“If I was serious about my health, I ought to…”
“Obviously I just don’t care enough about my prayer life…”

Sometimes, this could be the case. But not always… maybe not even usually. I think it’s because we have a limited supply of willpower and brainpower (I’ll be writing on this in the future!). We can’t wake up every morning and get done the things that tug at our attention, and still create brand-new, never-before-thought-of ways to live out our deepest values! We just don’t have the margin in today’s fast paced world.

What if there was a way that required less thinking, less willpower, less motivation and got better results? What if you could think about it once, create a list, and then set a reminder? What if the mental maintenance on your values dropped by 50%?

I am starting to see this in my life — with systems.

What Systems Can Do

Systems have enabled me to:

Get dressed faster in the morning
Accomplish several things I value every single day
Improve my relationship with my wife
Start improving my health
Prepare speeches or sermons faster and more thoroughly
Raise 7 kids on limited income.
Eliminate money fights between my wife and I
Cut forgetfulness in my life in half (haven’t eliminated it yet…)
Decrease the stress on my limited willpower
Focus on what matters in the middle of too many options

In Part 2 of this series on systems, I will share a process for How to Create Systems In Your Work and Life.

What about you? What are some benefits you might reap in your life by installing systems?

Posted on Monday, March 16, 2015

Introducing SermonSubscribe

I’m pleased to announce that our church is launching a new ministry that will serve churches without pastors, or busy bi-vocational pastors who need preaching support.

Introducing SermonSubscribe.

The Sermon Subscribe Story:

In 2012, I (Darrell S.) sat talking with Darrell Underwood, a USAF Master Sergeant who was moving to Clovis, New Mexico to be stationed at Cannon Air Force Base. He said, “While I’m in Clovis, I feel like God wants me to plant a church. I’m just not sure what I will do if I am deployed overseas.”

As we discussed options, we talked about the current trend of “multi-site” churches. We discussed video preaching, and became convinced that this was the path God was leading us toward. Darrell Underwood was employed full-time with the Air Force as a process improvement specialist. We realized the video preaching I supplied would be a blessing to him as he labored to start what eventually was named Servant’s Heart Chapel in Clovis.

After preaching for a year for Servant’s Heart, I began to feel that there was more that could be done for some small churches that I knew. Churches that:

Had no pastor
Had a sick pastor
Had a bivocational (read: nearly burned out) pastor
Had a pastor who had to be away for a time

And so was born SermonSubscribe. For a small fee, we do the heavy lifting on preaching, making it as turnkey as possible to have quality biblical preaching in a local church. Every week, we:

Prayerfully prepare sermons.
Preach them live at my church in OKC.
Record high definition video of the message.
Edit and produce the video.
Burn a DVD or upload the finished video to share.
Print handouts, and ship it all to the subscriber church.

We do all this for $200/mo — a fraction of the cost of a special speaker each Sunday, or of hiring a 2nd staff member.

Our goal: To serve churches by providing quality biblical preaching by video.

Here’s a sample from a recent sermon series, “Redeeming Ruth.”

If you have questions about this service, you are welcome to give me a call or text at the number on this flier, contact me on Facebook, contact me on Twitter, or drop me an email.

RECOMMENDATIONS:

Pastor Darrell is an “ideas” guy… one of the most prolific I have ever worked with. He has also been gifted by God with the ability to take the truths of Scripture and present them in a memorable and exciting way. I highly recommend SermonSubscribe! This ministry is helping to fill the gap of empty pulpits and spiritually starved congregations. – Rev. Jonathan Heath, pastor & Youth Challenge director

Pastor Darrell Stetler II offered the solution of video sermons when I wondered what my church was going to do if I was called away to serve our country. It was an enormous success. The sermons were both timely and challenging to our people. They have also helped me meet the challenges I face as a bi-vocational pastor as they have allowed me to spend more time with the people of my community and my family. – Rev. Darrell Underwood, Pastor (Clovis, NM) & USAF officer

If you are looking for Biblical, practical messages that will stimulate your mind and challenge you in your walk with God, the ministry of Darrell Stetler II will be that kind of ministry. – Rev. Darrell Stetler, Sr., Pastor, Burlington, KY

If I I know anything about Darrell Stetler II it is this — he will preach the Word of God, the whole Word of God, and nothing but the Word of God. If I was going to be away from my pulpit, I would feel safe allowing Pastor Darrell to preach for me. – Rev. Doug Eads, Pastor, Ada Chapel Bible Methodist Church

I would whole-heartedly recommend Darrell Stetler to any church in need of an interim ministry. Expect substantive, biblical, practical messages that will both challenge you and help you grow. – Dr. Philip Brown, professor, God’s Bible School & College

“I watched the first DVD of the “Made” series, and it’s great! You’re doing a really good work.” – David Gervais, church member, Trinity Bible Methodist Church, Alabama

——————-

What about you? Do you know churches that could use this service? Share your thoughts below!

darrellstetler2.com

resources for busy pastors

Category Archives: Pastoral Burnout